Post by malicia on Jan 10, 2009 20:37:15 GMT -5
Hansel, Gretel and a smelly old witch
a twisted fairy tale by Marie
Once upon a time lived a lumberjack and his wife. They had two lovely children, a boy named
Hansel and his little sister Gretel. Altought very poor, the little family lived in joy in a little
house in the woods. That year, the hunt was bad, the drought had hit, crops withered and everyone
in the kingdom was faced with famine. The lumberjack was not at the end of his woes. His wife fell
very ill and died. The poor man was completely lost, he loved his children very dearly, even
if he couldn't feed them very much. The famine was making things impossible, so impossible that he
took the offer of marrying a wealthy widow.
The new step mother was a rancid old wench who made the children scrub the house, chop the
wood for the stove, kill the thin and sickly chickens and pluck them. They had to scrub the windows
and the doors. Gretel had to climb in the chimeney to remove all the sooth. Every day, the children
had to work from dawn to dusk and that, without food. The step mother never gave the children breakfast
or lunch, not even a mere peice of fruit or bread until dinner where the lumberjack came home!
The children treathened to tell their father more then once, but it got them punished. Hansel
was whipped sevral times with the woman's cane while Gretel was locked in the chicken coop on the hot
sunny afternoons. What she was doing was horrible! But it was not the end of it.
A year of torment had passed when the evil step mother decided she wanted rid of the children.
She turned to her her husband and sternly said to him "We don't have money anymore, we can't feed ourselves
and the children as well. You'll need to get rid of the little vermine." The lumberjack was a
bit of a simpleton, but he tried to protest "But I love my children very dearly. I do not want
to get rid of them. No orphanage will take them, they are full. No more room for poor children.
You can't really consider this snookums?" The bitter woman glared at him, cold enought
that he felt like sinking into the carpet and merging with the dust bunnies. She spat out to him
"Lose them in the woods. I don't care. We aren't going to die of starvation for those brats that never
listen!". The man tried to say something else, but the woman smacked her cane on the floor "Decision
is final."
It was with a heavy heart that the next morning, the lumberjack packed a mediocre meal
of a loaf of bread for his two children and took them trough the woods. They walked for hours, deeper
and deeper where poor Hansel and Gretel couldn't find themselves. But Hansel was smart and had
overheard the conversation of their father and the raggy naggy smelly old wench! He was spreading
little crumbs of bread on the floor as they went. Gretel was crying much, but her brother reassured her
"Don't worry Gretel, everything will be just fine.". As the afternoon came, the lumberjack left his children
in a clearing and told them "I'll be back soon... I.... I have wood to cut... Yes, I am a lumberjack,
thus I cut wood...." and with that, his hulking figure vanished trough the trees. Gretel was pouring out
"Daddy's never comming back! Old Smelly sent us away to die! Oh why?". Hansel was having a hard time
trying to comfort his sister. "Don't worry Gretel, we will be sleeping in our beds tonight and
we will be home for morning. That I promise you little sister.". Hansel held his promise. Before night fell,
he guided his little sister trough the forest, following the little trail of crumbs he had left.
It was quite difficult at times, since birds and squirrels had a good time nibbling at them.
But finally, in the middle of the night, the children snuck back into the house. They silently
crawled into their beds and slept nice and warm for the night. When morning came, both the step mother
and the lumberjack were surprised, one of them wasn't too happy of course. Some swearing and cursing
occured, the lumberjack was slapped across the face with a cane!
The old hag decided it was time she did the deed herself! She tied the children's hands in
their backs. Smacking the poor man across the head with her cane. She shouted to him "You imbecile!
I'll show you how you ditch children in the woods!". They walked in a different direction this time,
across a creek, over a mountain, around the trees... The children were crying and this time, there
was no kind words comming from Hansel to comfort his little sister. The little boy knew that they
were pretty much doomed. He couldn't even leave a trail of crumbs or pebbles behind them. It was
close to nightfall when the woman finally tied the two to a tree and left them there. Leaving with a
crying lumberjack with her.
Yes, I know, this is not how the story goes, but listen, it's all good because the wolf from
the three little pigs came by as he was walking back from work. He found the two children tied up
on the tree and said to them "She really went over board this time humm? Allright, you guys are going
to take a left and follow the trail of mushrooms and flowers and you'll find a house there. You should
be good after.". The two children thanked the wolf and waved him goodbye! They followed his directions.
The trail he gave them was long tough. Very very long. "You think the wolf tricked us?", Hansel
looked at her and shrugged, the poor boy was a little glum "Gretel, at this point, we don't have much
to lose. If it's a trap, we just die a little faster than if we stayed there and died from starvation
and cold.". The little girl nodded and shoved a thumb in her mouth. They continued walking, late at night
or early in the morning and finally came to the said house.
The house itself was beautyful, covered in candy coated sugar balls! The walls, they were made of
gingerbread, sugar cookies and snickerdoodles! Cake flower pots containing lollypops, planted in chocolate.
The tainted glass windows were actually melted sugar! Too good to be true right? Something must be wrong...
Right? But the two little children didn't care, they were hungry and started nibbling at the house!
They were still very hungry when the owner of the house came out! She wasn't very pretty... And had about
twenty cats around her. She looked at the kids eating her chocolate stepping stones and said "Children,
please, if you are hungry, please comme inside. I will make you something a little less tooth rotting than
my house.". She opend the candy glass door wide open to let then in. The inside smelled sweet, but the framing
was of wood mostly. Hansel hesitated and dared it "Aren't you an old witch that is supposed to fatten us up
and eat us? I mean, you do have a candy house, wouldn't it be to lure children?". The old woman laughed
and petted a cat before she got all the ingredients to make a good solid stew "My poor boy, I live here all
alone with my cats. I have plenty of time to spare and I love the looks of candy and baked treats.".
She hummed for a bit and stirred her pot... AH! You were all expecting an evil witch right? "You poor children,
you probably need a warm bed for tonight and then we will bring you back to your house with your parents."
Gretel beggan crying and explained to the woman "Our bad bad step mom lost us in the woods! She doesn't
like us and daddy let her do it!" Hansel was trying to calm down his little sister with no success.
The old woman felt very sorry for the children, she didn't want them to be out alone and in the cold anymore.
She had two rooms added to the second story of her house and had warm beds prepared for them. She
kindly told them "I am a very old woman, my children, if you wish to stay with me, you will need to help me
a good bit. I have many cat friends that need tending to, wood to be cut, yard to be kept. I do need help
with laundry and cleaning. If you can help me with my dayly routine, I see no problem with you both living with me.".
The children lived there, very happy. They called the nice ugly old woman with the twenty cats grandma.
But every day that past by, they tought of their mother before she died and their father, the idiot that
made them cry so much.
Now you'd think our story ends there, but it doesn't. The evil step mother ended up dying.
Something about a poison apple that was delivered to the wrong door. The lumberjack set out to the woods
to try and find the remains of his children, figuring that he could at least burry them, right? He
searched and search in vain for the remains, but found none. He finally took the mushroom and flower path,
following it until morning came, when he found a candy house with a neatly dressed Hansel was cutting wood
in the front yard while a pink dressed Gretel was busying herself at giving milk and food to all the cats!
"My children!!" he cried out with glee. But Hansel and Gretel folded back closer to the front door.
That's when the lumberjack got hit from the back with a rolling pin "So you're the rotten man that let
that rotten wench leave these two poor children out to die! You should be ashamed!" the little woman
roared to him. The children had grown over the year with Granny, enought to understand that they didn't
need a father that would leave them to die! They both stuck out their tongues at him! Granny herself
smacked the man again! "I got these kids trough school, fed them and dressed them! You don't deserve
their love after what you've done! Get off my property before I call the darned cops!".
The lumberjack wanted to say something again, but the woman was right, he was a deadbeat father
and didn't deserve to have children. Hansel and Gretel grew up fine with granny and when she
died, many years after, they sold her house to an amusement theme park and went off to the city,
where all the kind schooling of granny got them them in pastry school. They opend a fancy
shop where they created a favorite holiday treat called a gingerbread house.
a twisted fairy tale by Marie
Once upon a time lived a lumberjack and his wife. They had two lovely children, a boy named
Hansel and his little sister Gretel. Altought very poor, the little family lived in joy in a little
house in the woods. That year, the hunt was bad, the drought had hit, crops withered and everyone
in the kingdom was faced with famine. The lumberjack was not at the end of his woes. His wife fell
very ill and died. The poor man was completely lost, he loved his children very dearly, even
if he couldn't feed them very much. The famine was making things impossible, so impossible that he
took the offer of marrying a wealthy widow.
The new step mother was a rancid old wench who made the children scrub the house, chop the
wood for the stove, kill the thin and sickly chickens and pluck them. They had to scrub the windows
and the doors. Gretel had to climb in the chimeney to remove all the sooth. Every day, the children
had to work from dawn to dusk and that, without food. The step mother never gave the children breakfast
or lunch, not even a mere peice of fruit or bread until dinner where the lumberjack came home!
The children treathened to tell their father more then once, but it got them punished. Hansel
was whipped sevral times with the woman's cane while Gretel was locked in the chicken coop on the hot
sunny afternoons. What she was doing was horrible! But it was not the end of it.
A year of torment had passed when the evil step mother decided she wanted rid of the children.
She turned to her her husband and sternly said to him "We don't have money anymore, we can't feed ourselves
and the children as well. You'll need to get rid of the little vermine." The lumberjack was a
bit of a simpleton, but he tried to protest "But I love my children very dearly. I do not want
to get rid of them. No orphanage will take them, they are full. No more room for poor children.
You can't really consider this snookums?" The bitter woman glared at him, cold enought
that he felt like sinking into the carpet and merging with the dust bunnies. She spat out to him
"Lose them in the woods. I don't care. We aren't going to die of starvation for those brats that never
listen!". The man tried to say something else, but the woman smacked her cane on the floor "Decision
is final."
It was with a heavy heart that the next morning, the lumberjack packed a mediocre meal
of a loaf of bread for his two children and took them trough the woods. They walked for hours, deeper
and deeper where poor Hansel and Gretel couldn't find themselves. But Hansel was smart and had
overheard the conversation of their father and the raggy naggy smelly old wench! He was spreading
little crumbs of bread on the floor as they went. Gretel was crying much, but her brother reassured her
"Don't worry Gretel, everything will be just fine.". As the afternoon came, the lumberjack left his children
in a clearing and told them "I'll be back soon... I.... I have wood to cut... Yes, I am a lumberjack,
thus I cut wood...." and with that, his hulking figure vanished trough the trees. Gretel was pouring out
"Daddy's never comming back! Old Smelly sent us away to die! Oh why?". Hansel was having a hard time
trying to comfort his sister. "Don't worry Gretel, we will be sleeping in our beds tonight and
we will be home for morning. That I promise you little sister.". Hansel held his promise. Before night fell,
he guided his little sister trough the forest, following the little trail of crumbs he had left.
It was quite difficult at times, since birds and squirrels had a good time nibbling at them.
But finally, in the middle of the night, the children snuck back into the house. They silently
crawled into their beds and slept nice and warm for the night. When morning came, both the step mother
and the lumberjack were surprised, one of them wasn't too happy of course. Some swearing and cursing
occured, the lumberjack was slapped across the face with a cane!
The old hag decided it was time she did the deed herself! She tied the children's hands in
their backs. Smacking the poor man across the head with her cane. She shouted to him "You imbecile!
I'll show you how you ditch children in the woods!". They walked in a different direction this time,
across a creek, over a mountain, around the trees... The children were crying and this time, there
was no kind words comming from Hansel to comfort his little sister. The little boy knew that they
were pretty much doomed. He couldn't even leave a trail of crumbs or pebbles behind them. It was
close to nightfall when the woman finally tied the two to a tree and left them there. Leaving with a
crying lumberjack with her.
Yes, I know, this is not how the story goes, but listen, it's all good because the wolf from
the three little pigs came by as he was walking back from work. He found the two children tied up
on the tree and said to them "She really went over board this time humm? Allright, you guys are going
to take a left and follow the trail of mushrooms and flowers and you'll find a house there. You should
be good after.". The two children thanked the wolf and waved him goodbye! They followed his directions.
The trail he gave them was long tough. Very very long. "You think the wolf tricked us?", Hansel
looked at her and shrugged, the poor boy was a little glum "Gretel, at this point, we don't have much
to lose. If it's a trap, we just die a little faster than if we stayed there and died from starvation
and cold.". The little girl nodded and shoved a thumb in her mouth. They continued walking, late at night
or early in the morning and finally came to the said house.
The house itself was beautyful, covered in candy coated sugar balls! The walls, they were made of
gingerbread, sugar cookies and snickerdoodles! Cake flower pots containing lollypops, planted in chocolate.
The tainted glass windows were actually melted sugar! Too good to be true right? Something must be wrong...
Right? But the two little children didn't care, they were hungry and started nibbling at the house!
They were still very hungry when the owner of the house came out! She wasn't very pretty... And had about
twenty cats around her. She looked at the kids eating her chocolate stepping stones and said "Children,
please, if you are hungry, please comme inside. I will make you something a little less tooth rotting than
my house.". She opend the candy glass door wide open to let then in. The inside smelled sweet, but the framing
was of wood mostly. Hansel hesitated and dared it "Aren't you an old witch that is supposed to fatten us up
and eat us? I mean, you do have a candy house, wouldn't it be to lure children?". The old woman laughed
and petted a cat before she got all the ingredients to make a good solid stew "My poor boy, I live here all
alone with my cats. I have plenty of time to spare and I love the looks of candy and baked treats.".
She hummed for a bit and stirred her pot... AH! You were all expecting an evil witch right? "You poor children,
you probably need a warm bed for tonight and then we will bring you back to your house with your parents."
Gretel beggan crying and explained to the woman "Our bad bad step mom lost us in the woods! She doesn't
like us and daddy let her do it!" Hansel was trying to calm down his little sister with no success.
The old woman felt very sorry for the children, she didn't want them to be out alone and in the cold anymore.
She had two rooms added to the second story of her house and had warm beds prepared for them. She
kindly told them "I am a very old woman, my children, if you wish to stay with me, you will need to help me
a good bit. I have many cat friends that need tending to, wood to be cut, yard to be kept. I do need help
with laundry and cleaning. If you can help me with my dayly routine, I see no problem with you both living with me.".
The children lived there, very happy. They called the nice ugly old woman with the twenty cats grandma.
But every day that past by, they tought of their mother before she died and their father, the idiot that
made them cry so much.
Now you'd think our story ends there, but it doesn't. The evil step mother ended up dying.
Something about a poison apple that was delivered to the wrong door. The lumberjack set out to the woods
to try and find the remains of his children, figuring that he could at least burry them, right? He
searched and search in vain for the remains, but found none. He finally took the mushroom and flower path,
following it until morning came, when he found a candy house with a neatly dressed Hansel was cutting wood
in the front yard while a pink dressed Gretel was busying herself at giving milk and food to all the cats!
"My children!!" he cried out with glee. But Hansel and Gretel folded back closer to the front door.
That's when the lumberjack got hit from the back with a rolling pin "So you're the rotten man that let
that rotten wench leave these two poor children out to die! You should be ashamed!" the little woman
roared to him. The children had grown over the year with Granny, enought to understand that they didn't
need a father that would leave them to die! They both stuck out their tongues at him! Granny herself
smacked the man again! "I got these kids trough school, fed them and dressed them! You don't deserve
their love after what you've done! Get off my property before I call the darned cops!".
The lumberjack wanted to say something again, but the woman was right, he was a deadbeat father
and didn't deserve to have children. Hansel and Gretel grew up fine with granny and when she
died, many years after, they sold her house to an amusement theme park and went off to the city,
where all the kind schooling of granny got them them in pastry school. They opend a fancy
shop where they created a favorite holiday treat called a gingerbread house.
Feed Me!
